Saying goodbye

One of the hardest things we have to do as humans

Something you should know about me is that goodbyes have always been super hard. If you ask my family, they’ll tell you I cry like a baby every time.

This past Saturday was no different. I had to say goodbye to people that feel like family and to a place that feels like home and it was one of the hardest goodbyes yet… for two reasons:

1. For fear,

2. and for love.

I will explain the latter first.

With it being my second summer at OneWay, I was able to deepen the relationships that I had the previous summer. I spent countless days and nights with these friends talking for hours and hours about life and all of the things in between.

By the end of the summer, it felt like they seriously had a piece of my heart. I realized what it might feel like to be Paul who made all of these deep, binding connections with churches around the continent just to have to leave them and go elsewhere.

Philippians 1:8

“For God is my witness, how I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 2:8

“Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.”

The love Paul had for these people was immense. It wasn’t the temporary, meaningless love that we see in the world today. It was the love that the Creator of love taught and poured out over him. The love that is never-ending, unconditional, steadfast, and sacrificial. This was the love that Paul had for the church, making goodbyes a deep sorrow.

This same love for the church is the love the Lord has given me the depth to feel, making my goodbye to the OneWay community such a painful, heart-wrenching sadness.

As I drove away from the tear-stained faces of my friends, I struggled to see clearly as the floodgates opened and tears poured down my face. It was the hardest I have cried in a long time.

I couldn’t help but say over and over again, “Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Dad.”

I was just filled with so much gratitude.

That’s when a quiet voice appeared in my head. Its repetition and sincerity eradicated all of the fears that contributed to making this goodbye one of the hardest.

I was scared that because I had grown such a deep love for this place, God wouldn’t let me return because I maybe loved it too much. I feared that because I had such a deep love for these people, He wouldn't let me come back to them because maybe they were threatening God’s place for my love.

With that fear in mind, saying goodbye felt a million times more painful.

This fear of loving things too much has been prevalent this year for me as I have been wrestling to believe who God says He really is: A good Father.

I fear that the things I love will be taken away from me. And I fear asking for things because I am scared that I will receive punishment instead. Because how dare I ask for something when I undeservingly, have been given so much already!

A word Jesus says in Matthew has tended very gently to all of these worries.

Matthew 7:9-11

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

I have realized I am scared that God is going to give me a snake if I ask for something, so I have resolved to ask for nothing at all. And when I am given something, I am just waiting for Him to take it away because I am sure, as the fallen sinner I am, I’m going to ruin it in some way that I would be better off without it.

These are the exact fears I was having with my love for my friends in Chicago. I was scared that my love had become too much and God was going to take them away from me and not let me return.

But as I was crying and thanking God over and over, I felt Him say,

“I gave you all of these things, Kate. I gave you all of these things, Kate. I gave you all of these things, Kate.”

The tears multiplied as I realized the Giver isn’t going to punish me for loving His good gifts.

If my mom had given me a gift that I loved and cherished and used every day, she wouldn’t think to herself, “Oh no. Kate is going to love the gift more than me.” No. She would be happy that her daughter loves a gift that she gave her. My mother would feel loved by my adoration of the gift.

In the same way, the Lord is blessed by my love of His good gifts.

This is the clarity the Lord gave me with those words, “I gave you all of these things, Kate.”

I felt a wave of relief wash over me as well as a fresh wave of gratitude as the Lord reminded me yet again, what a good Father He is to me, His Beloved Daughter.

Goodbyes will always remain to be hard because of the love that is attached. But while love can make goodbyes painful, goodbyes are not to be feared but to be rejoiced over for all of the reasons that make them so hard. We are to rejoice for the great love the Lord gives His children the capacity to feel. We are to rejoice for the great gifts the Lord has given that can’t help but be greatly loved themselves.

And while this great love can lead to great suffering when goodbyes are necessary, we can rest in the great comfort that always follows.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

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I am so thankful for my time at OneWay this summer. The Lord was so kind and gentle with me as He revealed a little bit more of Himself day by day. He has truly given me so many wonderful, beautiful gifts that I am genuinely so grateful for.

I am excited to return to OneWay as He wills.

Thank you for following along this summer! I am moving in for volleyball preseason tomorrow so the blog posts may be few and farther in between but I hope to continue to use this resource to share what the Lord is doing in my life and what He is teaching me.

If you want to know how you can be praying for me you can check out my prayer requests in the drop-down menu! Your prayers are greatly appreciated.

Until next time, you are so deeply loved,

Kate <3